Buggy Besties

Butterfly Princess - Halloween 2011

The sassy little missy that I spend 100% of my time with has a huge thing for bugs.

*gags*

I'm not really a bug person. I used to be - back in the day, the snails in my backyard and I were tight. And I went through a phase in kindergarten where I spent most of my afternoons with my hand in the drinking fountain, bawling my eyes out because I'd been stung by another freshly caught bee (they don't make the best playmates, turns out).

Of course this buggy BFFness all came to a crashing halt after the Yellow Jacket Hive Attack of 1988. I haven't loved bugs since.

Which is why I spend mass quantities of time shrieking and jumping and flapping and pointing at the door, saying, "Get those bugs out of your hair! Get them off of the kitchen table! Get them OUT of your room! GET IT OFF OF MY BACK!" and so on.

This morning, I was hard at work doing writerly things (no, not updating my Facebook status - not this time) and watching Annelie play outside from my studio window. After a while, she came back in and turned on the TV. Plonked herself on the couch to watch some Sponge Bob en Espanol (she doesn't speak more than a Dora's episode of Spanish, but that doesn't stop her from robustly singing the theme song - with lyrics that sound like something from Cirque Du Soleil).

And the rest went down like so:

Setting: Walking from studio to kitchen for another mugful of coffee. Finds Annelie cuddled on the couch, a leaf on a Littlest Pet Shop lounge chair beside her.

And on the leaf... something brownish greyish white]

ME [stops in place]: What is that?

ANNELIE [innocently]: What?

ME: That. On the leaf.

ANNELIE [puts arm around lounge chair]: Oh, this is just my BFF.

ME: Your BFF? [leans. blinks at BFF. shrieks.] EW! Is that BIRD POO?

ANNELIE [horrified]: My BFF is not bird poo!

ME [points at door]: Get whatever that is outside right now.

ANNELIE [bursts into tears]: It's a caterpillar! He's my best friend!

ME [heart panging at sight of adorable crying kid, resembling former bug-loving self]: Um... well... Okay, fine. You two can finish this episode, but as soon as it's done, he's going back outside. and then you are NEVER bringing nature of any kind, dead or alive, in the house again. Okay?

ANNELIE [joyously]: Okay.

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So. They finished their show, which they both seemed to enjoy very much. Then Annelie ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME FOR ONCE IN HER LIFE and put the caterpillar outside.

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Time lapse - one Sponge Bob en Espanol episode.

ANNELIE [runs outside, calling out]: I'm going to check on my BFF!

Time lapse - one minute.

ANNELIE [running inside, wailing]: MY BFF IS GONE!

ME [patting poor child's head sympathetically]: Yeah, he probably went off somewhere to make a cocoon so he can be your Butterfly BFF.

ANNELIE [sniffs. nods]: Yeah. I think so. [smiles sweet, teary smile] Wanna see the little inch worm I found?

[waggles white maggoty-looking inchworm under my nose] This is my new BFF.

[maggoty-looking inchworm rises on back feet and prepares to attack my face]

ME [shrieks. shudders. gags]: GET THAT OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW!

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Oh, the thrilling adventures of Monday. Hope you all had a great weekend, folks!

xoxo,