Monday, March 3, 2008

Creepy Crawly Google Bugs

Gracie is terrified of bugs.

I discovered this one day, when she was sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor buttering her toast, and she suddenly jumped up, shrieking her head off, ran into the living room, and scaled the couch until she was at its highest spot. Still shrieking, of course.

The bug in question: A fat cockroach waddling across the kitchen floor

(Gross, I know, but let me just say that in Texas, its either cockroaches in the city or scorpions in the country. What would you rather have walking across your floor?!) .

But no wonder the girl is terrified whenever she sees a bug. Even Roly Poly bugs (is that their scientific name, I wonder?) freak her out. And getting attacked by a mound of Texas Fire Ants (those are nasty little things which bite and burn and leave pussy bumps-- all over Gracie's hands) last week certainly didn't help her bug fright.

And of course she has yours truly to model the shrieking bug attack behavior as I am the queen of bug inspired freak outs. When a bug lands on my arm, hair, face, wherever, I do my "Get This Freaking Thing Off Me" dance which involves jumping up and down while flapping my hands all over my body in an attempt to rid myself of any bug which might be crawling over me, while crying out, "EEEEEE!! Ew ew ew, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, get off me!"

This dance has been perfected over the years as a result of these incidents:

The Yellow Jacket Hive Attack of 1988.
(in which my brother and I accidentally stumbled upon a yellow jacket nest -- they are in the ground-- and were brutally attacked by the hive as they crawled through our hair and clothes stinging us. The result-- bees freak me out, especially yellow jackets and wasps)

The Tarantula (I swear it!) Walking on Leg Fiasco of 1990.
(in which a humongous hairy spider was crawling up my leg during Girl Scout camp when I was nine. The result-- I am terrified of spiders and believe whole heartedly that all spiders are dangerous, poisonous and out to get me.)

The Roly Poly Birthing Disaster of 1991.
(in which a roly poly decided to give birth in my hand. Not a tender mothering moment, I assure you. Her stomach ripped open and out popped a handful of white and wiggly babies. Looked like maggots. The result-- I hate roly polys.)

The Pincher Bug Infestation of 1997.
(in which, at the age of sweet sixteen, I awoke in the middle of the night to find my self covered -- and I mean covered-- in pincher bugs, which had crawled in from the window above my bed one summer night. The result-- Severe mental trauma and an intense hatred for ALL BUGS (with the exception of Socket Joe-- story to follow, and butterflies which are too delicate to be frightened of-- although caterpillars are a different story as one landed in my hair once)!!!

The Carpenter Ant/Hairspray Resurrection of 2001.
(in which, upon discovering a band of carpenter ants seeking water in my bathroom sink, I grabbed the first thing I saw to attack them with (a bottle of Pantene Pro-vitamin hair spray) and coated the monsters until they were dead. I then wiped them up (all but one, who was in a crack in my window ledge and impossible for me to reach), trying my best to put the incident behind me.
Until several weeks later, while inspecting (read: triumphing over) the ant who was frozen in my window sill, I saw a little leg wiggle. The leg wiggle quickly turned to all legs wiggling, which quickly escalated to the atrocious ant freeing himself from his floral scented crusty coffin and walking away. My heart was in my throat and, in my terror, I did what anyone fearing for their life would do.

I squashed him. The result of this incident: I consider all ants evil)

The Legend of Socket Joe

Once there lived a bug named Joe who decided to make his home in the socket hole found inside a small apartment bathroom. This little bug, beetle-like in his appearance, was probably very dangerous, as all bugs are.

Once day, the human (lets call her Marisa) who resided in the apartment in which Joe called home, discovered Joe walking along the bathroom wall as she was getting ready to blow dry her hair.

In a panic, and while executing a very sophisticated "Get This Freaking Thing Off Me" dance, Marisa watched Joe crawl into the wall socket. Instantly, she plunged her hair dryer plug into the socket and turned the piece of machinery on.

She proceeded to blow dry her hair in peace, believing the dangerous beetle to be frying inside his little socket home.

She was wrong.

A few days later, Marisa, this time getting ready to flat iron her unruly bangs, discovered Joe (very much alive) walking along the wall and into the socket. Again, Marisa plugged in her hair appliance and tried her very best to electrocute the pest. Again she failed.

After several days and attempts, Marisa admitted defeat and a friendship was born between Socket Joe and his house mate.

The End.

So anyway, the point of all of this is to show off what Gracie calls her "Google Bugs" which are the buggy painted rocks that we artfully created a couple of days ago. I figured maybe it was time to set a better bug example for my very impressionable (near) three year old, so we gathered some rocks while on a nature hike, and took them home to paint.

I think Gracie's are better than mine. How cute is this little googly buggy face?


Although, if I were to one day find this google bug crawling across my leg, I would probably squash it.

After doing my exotic dance, of course.


earth and sun folk said...

I must admit, I know the dance you speak of. I was doing yard work in the front yard Saturday when a honey bee came buzzing in my half an inch from my face. No matter where or how I moved he was right there. When he finally flew off I noticed about 5 people across the street in my neighbors yard staring at me. i still need to finish my yard.
love your story...too funny and I love the googly bugs!

Kelly said...

great post, marisa! you have a fun blog too!

jewelstreet said...

They are cute!

Don't send Gracie to our house. I think we have a bug haven here. There are some I have never seen before until I moved to this house.

I loved the story of Joe btw.

junepar said...

I can relate to Texas bugs, having lived there. As for Scorpions, born in Central America, they used to scurry about on my bedroom floor at night. They loved the dark. Fortunately my bed had no bedcovers that reached the floor, haha. Of course, it was an entirely different matter if I needed to use the bathroom! Yikes!

We even had bats fly through our windows and hide in closets. Fortunately, they weren't vampires but rather ones after insects not people. So my family would just shoo them out and let them go about their business devouring tasty bugs!!

Btw, thank you for the wonderful comment.


Betzie said...

Marissa...I am just as itchy as can be after reading your bug stories!! So funny!!!
I think your rock bugs are a lot cuter than the real ones!!!
When I was little, I just loved bugs, crazy but I did! I would make sugar water and leave a trail on the tree for the bugs to find and eat!! I would catch honey bees and lightening bugs and put the jars in my bedroom...poor bugs! LOL
Thanks for your kind words on my blog, and be careful not to get any bugs in your delicious cupcakes!!! :))

Candice said...

Too funny!!! I have an intense fear of spiders, I can't even see one on tv without freaking out, I absolutely hate them!

Kelly said...

This is such a great post. Aaaaaaah, Texas - we just have to put up with these things, I suppose. We had the great fireant attack when my daughter was 18 mos. She SAT ON A MOUND! Yes, we had to go to the emergency room - delightful.

Love & Squalor Designs said...

My dad used to say that he knew the "bug scream" that my sister, mom and I did. Some parents are trained to run to a scream of pain or to ignore a scream of anger. My dad knew he needed to get to us asap when he heard the bug scream.

Love & Squalor Designs said...

My dad used to say that he knew the "bug scream" that my sister, mom and I did. Some parents are trained to run to a scream of pain or to ignore a scream of anger. My dad knew he needed to get to us asap when he heard the bug scream.

ThisOldHenHouse said...

I'm also convinced that all spiders are dangerous and are out to get me!! I hate em! And very much like your daughter I run into the other room and scream until my husband comes in and squashes it!

ahh, I'm getting the willies just typing about spiders!

You have an awesome blog!!! So fun to read!

Marmadaisy said...

I once trod on a wasp getting out of the shower - wasp stings on the sole of the foot is MIGHTILY painful. Even worse, I was once eating a walnut whip (frothy sugary stuff in a chocolate case with a nut on top- made by Nestle I believe). After I bit the top off and sucked out a lot of the middle I realised the thing was CRWALING with ants. Hnnnnggghh!

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