Here's a little photo of me, from my Annelie pregnancy, with three months to go... yes, that's right - Three Months. I already felt like I was going to pop and I still had THREE freakin' months to go.
Annelie, my itsy bitsy tiny little baby, turns three this month and currently Will and I are saving money for him to get the snip. Why? Because I HATE being pregnant. I'm talking hate, as in loathe, despise, and abhor every single waking, breathing moment of it. Do I need more synonyms for hate or do you get the picture yet?
I have major envy of all the mothers who love being pregnant. I wish I had those feelings. I wish I could glow. The only reason I'm smiling in the above picture, is because I had already bought Annelie's baby book and it had one space for a photo of pregnant mama, and I wanted it to be a happy-looking one.
Yes, I was filling the pages of her baby book with LIES. Happy pregnancy? Me? Uh, no. More like psycho-raging hormones, being sick around the clock, swollen cankles (yeah, I said it... cankles, as in calf-ankles), 45 lb weight gain (darned Sonic Bacon Double Cheeseburgers with Tots), and the inability to be rational for even a second (just ask Will, he'll tell ya).
And worse than pregnant - the actual labor and delivery, or in my case, the freak-out over having yet another c-section. FYI, I hate c-sections.
I have an anxiety disorder, and it definitely reared it's ugly head during both of my pregnancies. I was 100% positive, when I was pregnant with Gracie, that I was going to give birth to Siamese twins. And then when I had the ultrasound and learned that I wasn't, I became 100% positive that she would be a hermaphrodite. And then when I learned that she wasn't, I was 100% positive that I was going to die in child birth.
I didn't. But then I got pregnant with Annelie and the irrational anxieties came back.
Do Will and I want to have more children? Yes, definitely. As long as we've known each other, we've talked about fostering to adopt older kids who are close to 'aging out' of the system, but who still don't have a family to call their own. Obviously, we are waiting until the girls are older. Fostering older kids is very challenging, so I've heard, and Annelie is enough of a challenge for me, right now.
But we LOVE kids. We ADORE kids, and we can't wait to have more. We're just thrilled that we can have them without the whole pregnancy thing happening again. Letting Pregnant-Marisa become just a flashback is mighty fine by me. Plus, just imagine how whacked-out my blog and shop would become if I had psycho-preggo-hormones in me. Not a pretty picture, to be sure!
Do you have a flashback of your own? Head over to Tia's blog (here) for the coolest meme in town.