Celebrations and Angst

(Here's ch. 8, scene 1 of my book in pretty word cloud form
Ooooh, pretty!)

I hit a milestone in my book revision the other day and I'm still high off the fumes.

I am 1/3 of the way done with my revision!

YAY! *throws confetti*

*runs around in it*

*falls down, exhausted*

It's a good thing I write YA, because it's really easy to channel my inner teen in order to write my characters - the more time I spend on this book the more like an uncertain, emotional fifteen-year-old I feel.

I knew revision was going to be hard. Heck, writing my monster of a book was hard and when I was done, I could already see just how much of the beginning needed to be run through a shredder and rewritten. And the salvageable parts were begging to be hacked up with an ice pick.

Not to mention I'm slow. Sloooooooow. I often find myself pulling out my hair, drinking too much coffee, my eyes, bright red, bugged out of my skull as I focus all my attention on one stupid paragraph for hours and hours and hours, days and days and days. And then deleting it when I'm done because it still isn't right.

I'm trying to accept the fact that I'm a slow reviser. Just as I'm still trying to accept the fact that I'm a slow writer. So many of my writer friends can whip out 8o thousand word books, tear through their revisions, nail their query letter, and dance as their inboxes fill with agent request for full manuscripts, all in the time it takes me to angst over a couple of measly chapters. Ones that I'll probably end up deleting anyway.

It's amazing how easy it is to get discouraged. When I let myself think about how much time I've spent on this book and how little (it feels) I have to show for it, I just want to curl into a ball and scream, "WHY! When will this END?! Am I INSANE?!?"

This is usually when I decide to take a break and step away from the computer before I start smashing things... and this is also usually when I have an epiphany or two, and 3.5 seconds later, you'll find me dancing around the house, shouting, "I figured it out!" Followed by me singing the Hallelujah chorus (which is more frightening than it sounds, as I am a little tone deaf).

And what helps keep me going the strongest on the days when I just want to toss my book into an incinerator and never look at it again: seeing my writer friends tearing though their books, celebrating their own writing and revision milestones, not quitting when their goings get tough. I'm excited for them, and I can't wait until I'm that excited for me. And the idea of future agent full manuscript requests - well, I try not to focus too hard on that, especially as I'm only just revising, but you better believe it's the light at the end of the tunnel and I can't wait to get there someday.

*throws more confetti*

For now, I'm going to take a few more minutes celebrating my 1/3 complete milestone.

And then it's back to work, because this book certainly isn't revising itself. Although I'm still hoping it one day will.

xoxo,