Monday, November 7, 2011

Buggy Besties

Butterfly Princess - Halloween 2011

The sassy little missy that I spend 100% of my time with has a huge thing for bugs.


I'm not really a bug person. I used to be - back in the day, the snails in my backyard and I were tight. And I went through a phase in kindergarten where I spent most of my afternoons with my hand in the drinking fountain, bawling my eyes out because I'd been stung by another freshly caught bee (they don't make the best playmates, turns out).

Of course this buggy BFFness all came to a crashing halt after the Yellow Jacket Hive Attack of 1988. I haven't loved bugs since.

Which is why I spend mass quantities of time shrieking and jumping and flapping and pointing at the door, saying, "Get those bugs out of your hair! Get them off of the kitchen table! Get them OUT of your room! GET IT OFF OF MY BACK!" and so on.

This morning, I was hard at work doing writerly things (no, not updating my Facebook status - not this time) and watching Annelie play outside from my studio window. After a while, she came back in and turned on the TV. Plonked herself on the couch to watch some Sponge Bob en Espanol (she doesn't speak more than a Dora's episode of Spanish, but that doesn't stop her from robustly singing the theme song - with lyrics that sound like something from Cirque Du Soleil).

And the rest went down like so:

Setting: Walking from studio to kitchen for another mugful of coffee. Finds Annelie cuddled on the couch, a leaf on a Littlest Pet Shop lounge chair beside her.

And on the leaf... something brownish greyish white]

ME [stops in place]: What is that?

ANNELIE [innocently]: What?

ME: That. On the leaf.

ANNELIE [puts arm around lounge chair]: Oh, this is just my BFF.

ME: Your BFF? [leans. blinks at BFF. shrieks.] EW! Is that BIRD POO?

ANNELIE [horrified]: My BFF is not bird poo!

ME [points at door]: Get whatever that is outside right now.

ANNELIE [bursts into tears]: It's a caterpillar! He's my best friend!

ME [heart panging at sight of adorable crying kid, resembling former bug-loving self]: Um... well... Okay, fine. You two can finish this episode, but as soon as it's done, he's going back outside. and then you are NEVER bringing nature of any kind, dead or alive, in the house again. Okay?

ANNELIE [joyously]: Okay.


So. They finished their show, which they both seemed to enjoy very much. Then Annelie ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME FOR ONCE IN HER LIFE and put the caterpillar outside.


Time lapse - one Sponge Bob en Espanol episode.

ANNELIE [runs outside, calling out]: I'm going to check on my BFF!

Time lapse - one minute.

ANNELIE [running inside, wailing]: MY BFF IS GONE!

ME [patting poor child's head sympathetically]: Yeah, he probably went off somewhere to make a cocoon so he can be your Butterfly BFF.

ANNELIE [sniffs. nods]: Yeah. I think so. [smiles sweet, teary smile] Wanna see the little inch worm I found?

[waggles white maggoty-looking inchworm under my nose] This is my new BFF.

[maggoty-looking inchworm rises on back feet and prepares to attack my face]

ME [shrieks. shudders. gags]: GET THAT OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW!


Oh, the thrilling adventures of Monday. Hope you all had a great weekend, folks!



Kelly Polark said...

Ha ha!
Like mother like daughter.
(I can't believe you CAUGHT bees in your hand!)

Marie said...

LOVE your kids...they are too funny!!

mshatch said...

you poor thing. I'm not a fan of bugs either and they definitely belong OUTSIDE.

Peggy Eddleman said...

Oh, my gosh-- this was hilarious! What an awesome little girl.

Julie Dao said...

HAHA! Bugs are super gross - I was NEVER tight with any of them. Caterpillars are okay, but inchworms - ewwwww.

Kathy said...


Especially funny considering what Mommy is currently writing and her heroine's companions.

AlyGatr said...

Seriously, only you would try to make friends with bees :P She needs to come over because Merrick and Amelia would love to make new bug friends with her. They'd be occupied for HOURS.

Laura Pauling said...

My rule is no wildlife or nature in the house but mainly because they'll forget about it. And it ends up dead and smelly! I love girls that love bugs. So cool.

Meeling said...

Lol! My boys used to fill their pockets with those roly poly bugs and bring them in the house...along iwth lizards and praying mantis' glad you have girls! :-)

Sara McClung said...

OMG hahahaha!

I swear, if I ever have a daughter? I might just raise her to be scared of bugs (okay, is that a horrible thing to say?) so she doesn't bring buggy besties into my house. I would FLIP OUT. You're stronger than me :)

Anonymous said...

Back in grade school I use to rescue lady bugs from the back of a paddleboat.
In middle school, my friends and I had a catch and release program for crawdads so they wouldn't be eaten.
Last year, I lost my tomatoes to snails. Huh, I just thought they were cute.

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

Oh my word, what a precious little doll. She's got a bit of an EWWWW fascination, but that's charming. How can you deny her anything? Although I hope you've taught her not to catch bees with her bare hands. Ha!

Amie Kaufman said...

Ha! Somewhere, whoever had to raise you or whichever teacher had to deal with the bee stings has to be laughing their heads off. What goes around, comes around?

Melissa said...

LOL! Oh, this had me in stitches. Your kids are the greatest!

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